When Caring Doesn't Come Easy

Understanding the struggles of caregiving and how to cope

This might be painful to read. It is painful to write. But also necessary, I believe. For many, caring for an elderly parent is a deeply compassionate act rooted in a strong bond and lifelong, unconditional love. For others, complex family relationships make caring for an aging parent incredibly difficult.

I’m no different to a lot of people. I had a close relationship with my father and a not-so-close relationship with my mother. When my father passed away, I was not only filled with grief but also dread at the prospect of caring for my mother alone. 

I feel an enormous amount of guilt for feeling the way I do. I feel like a terrible daughter. Cold, uncaring, unlovable. But just beneath the surface, I am worried and overwhelmed by how we navigate changes to make sure she was healthy and happy. Especially because we don't have that closeness that often alleviates some of the physical, mental, and emotional stress of caring for an aging parent.

It’s been two and a half years, and it’s still very much a work in progress. I have been both deeply generous and impatient at times. I’ve had to work on acting with kindness and understanding, and I’ve had to remind myself that she, too, has suffered a huge loss and is navigating life and aging without her life partner. And despite everything, she deserves and is worthy of love, respect, and compassion.

So, I’m sharing what has helped me make caring for my aging mother a bit easier. Some of which surprised me, but somehow, each little lesson and act has helped (and continues to help) me find balance and peace in an unexpected and difficult situation:

Ask for help

Perfectionists or hyper-independents don’t like asking for help, but I learned early that I can’t and don’t have to do it alone. Reach out to family, friends, or a home care agency to share the load. Professional carers can provide respite, even if it’s just a few hours a week.

Set boundaries

It’s okay to say no sometimes. Living for someone else can erode happiness and fulfillment. Boundaries are important for protecting your mental and physical health. Know what you need and say so; make room for yourself - it’s a game changer.

Make self-care a priority

Take time to recharge, whether it’s a walk, a hobby, or simply sitting with a cup of tea. Your well-being is just as important as your mother’s.

Consider professional home care

Home care services can take over some of the day-to-day tasks, allowing you to focus on the moments that matter most with my mother. When the drudgery of care can be shared, there’s more time for surprise moments of connection and even closeness.

Caring for aging loved ones can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to do it alone. CareCompany offers expert home care services designed to help seniors stay safe, comfortable, and independent at home. Whether you need help for yourself or a loved one, quality home care services can ensure that everyone is cared for. Take the next step and contact CareCompany today to discuss the kind of support that can truly make a difference.